Clients put more of their own drive into a move when you help them feel capable and in charge of it

By Liv Saville, Head of Growth at Worthington

Relationship marketing·October 9, 2026·7 min read

In a 2000 American Psychologist article, Richard Ryan and Edward Deci linked self-motivation to three psychological needs: competence, autonomy and relatedness. My view is that you'll get more from clients during a deal by helping them feel capable and in charge of their own move, and by keeping the relationship personal while they do the work only they can do.

Ryan and Deci tie self-motivation to three needs: competence, autonomy and relatedness

In a 2000 article in the American Psychologist, the American Psychological Association's flagship journal, Richard Ryan and Edward Deci set out where research guided by self-determination theory had arrived. Their article starts from a claim about people in general: "Human beings can be proactive and engaged or, alternatively, passive and alienated, largely as a function of the social conditions in which they develop and function."

That's why the research they describe focused on the social and contextual conditions that support or hold back people's natural self-motivation. Ryan and Deci write that researchers examined factors that enhance or undermine intrinsic motivation, self-regulation and well-being. Those findings led to the postulate of three innate psychological needs: competence, autonomy and relatedness. In their words, these needs, "when satisfied yield enhanced self-motivation and mental health and when thwarted lead to diminished motivation and well-being."

The article also considers what these needs and processes mean in health care, education, work, sport, religion and psychotherapy. Real estate isn't on that list, and nothing in the article studies home buyers, sellers or the agents who work with them. It's a summary of a research program and its theory, so I'm treating it as a broad account of human motivation and applying it to an agent's work myself.

A deal asks clients to do a lot, and the conditions you create shape how willingly they do it

Ryan and Deci argue that whether someone is proactive or passive depends largely on the conditions around them. During a sale or purchase, you're a big part of those conditions for your client. You decide how requests are framed, how much of the reasoning they hear, how many decisions are handed to them and how they feel when a step is done.

A move also asks clients for a long run of things nobody else can do for them. Sellers have to get the house ready and settle on a price, and buyers have to gather documents, get financing in place and choose between homes that each fall short somewhere. Agents I've spoken to have said a lot of their time in a deal goes into chasing clients for things only the client can do. My reading of Ryan and Deci is that some of that chasing comes from conditions that leave clients feeling out of their depth, pushed or alone with the task, which are the three needs going unmet.

The article doesn't give a real estate playbook, so the translation is mine. I read competence, in a client's terms, as feeling able to do what's being asked and seeing progress. I read autonomy as feeling that the decisions about their home and their money are genuinely theirs, and relatedness as feeling that the person guiding them knows them and is on their side. Health care and education seem to me the closest of the domains the article names, because each has a professional with expertise guiding someone through something that's ultimately theirs to do, which is a fair description of an agent and a client.

Build each step of the deal around the client's own decisions and know-how

Here's how I'd put that into practice this month, with the caveat that these are my applications of the theory and not practices the article tested.

Explain the reason behind every request. "Send me your pre-approval letter" is an instruction. Adding a sentence on what the letter does for their offer, and what it says to a seller's agent, gives the client a reason they can agree with. I think a client who understands why a task matters is more likely to treat it as their own goal. Sellers also use that reasoning to judge whether you acted in their interest, which shapes whether they hire you again.

Offer real options, and give your recommendation alongside them. When a seller is deciding how much to do before listing, set out two or three levels of preparation with what each involves, say which you'd choose and why, and leave the call with them. That way your expertise stays in the conversation while the client makes the decision. A single path presented as the only sensible one may get compliance, and my reading of the autonomy need is that it's less likely to get the client's own energy behind it.

Break big tasks into steps a client can finish this week. "Get the house ready" is too large to feel doable. "This weekend, clear the front hall closet and the kitchen counters" is a task someone can complete and feel good about. Show them a finished example where you can, like a completed disclosure form or a photo of a prepared room, and tell them plainly when they've done something well. That's how I'd support competence in a deal.

Ask how they'd like to approach the hard parts. Before a tough week, ask what would make it manageable for them. Some clients want a daily checklist and others want one call on Friday. Letting them shape the plan is a small way of handing them control over a process that can otherwise feel like it's happening to them.

Keep the relationship personal while the work is happening. Relatedness is the need most easily dropped when a deal gets busy. Use what you know about the client (the new job that's moving them, or the child starting at a new school) when you check in, and ask how they're managing as well as what's outstanding. A message that shows you remember their situation tells them you're working with them.

Carry the same approach past closing. When you nurture a past client, the same reading applies. A note that offers something useful and leaves the next step with them ("if you'd ever like a read on what your place might list for, I'm glad to put one together") respects their autonomy and leaves them free to reply when it suits them. If you need a starting point for those notes, my piece on keeping in touch with past clients covers why a check-in doesn't need an occasion.

Ryan and Deci's point that people become proactive or passive largely through the conditions around them puts part of a client's drive within your reach. My view is that setting up those conditions on purpose is one of the most useful habits an agent can build, during the deal and for years after it, and keeping that up with every client is the kind of work Worthington is built to help with.

Worthington draws on research like this to shape a nurturing strategy for each of your clients. Join the waitlist