Reconnect with the contacts who've gone quiet by asking for their advice
A study in Organization Science found that reconnecting with dormant contacts, people you've since lost touch with, can be extremely useful when you consult them about an important work project. My view is that the quiet names in your database deserve a message built around a genuine question, starting with the people you were once closest to.
Key points
- A 2011 study in Organization Science found that when Executive MBA students consulted dormant contacts (former ties, now out of touch) about an important work project, the outcomes compared favourably to those of their current ties.
- In the same study, reconnecting ties that had once been strong led to all four benefits usually associated with either weak ties (efficiency and novelty) or strong ties (trust and shared perspective).
- Liv's reading for agents: reactivate the quiet names in your database by asking a genuine question about your work, and start with the contacts you were once closest to.
People who asked old contacts for advice got input that held up well against their current network
In a 2011 study in Organization Science, Daniel Levin, Jorge Walter and Keith Murnighan questioned an assumption from social network research: that ties have to be maintained to keep their value. They looked instead at dormant ties, which they define as "former ties, now out of touch," and showed that reconnecting them "can be extremely useful."
Their research prompted Executive MBA students to consult dormant contacts about an important work project. The outcomes compared favourably to those the students got from their current ties.
The authors also looked closely at ties that had once been strong. Reconnecting those led to all four of the benefits that network research usually links to either weak ties (efficiency and novelty) or strong ties (trust and shared perspective). My reading is that a once-close contact who had gone quiet offered value you'd normally expect to find in two different kinds of relationship. As I understand the terms, novelty means hearing something you didn't already know, and shared perspective means talking to someone who already understands how you see things.
The authors conclude that dormant relationships are "often overlooked or underutilized" and can be a valuable source of knowledge and social capital. For an agent, I'd put a lot of the database in that category, from past clients you haven't heard from in years to colleagues who moved to another brokerage. Those people are still part of the relationship marketing your business is built on, even when nobody has been in touch for a while.
The trust you built can outlast the silence, and time apart gives an old contact something new to offer
The study names the benefits, and why they show up together is my own reading. The trust and shared understanding you built with someone while you were working closely together seem to me to outlast the silence that followed. Meanwhile the years apart mean they've had experiences you haven't, so what they tell you is less likely to repeat what you already hear from the people around you every week.
Agents I've spoken to have said the contacts they find hardest to write to are the ones they've let go quiet the longest. A separate set of studies, published in 2008 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, speaks to that. Francis Flynn and Vanessa Lake found that people underestimated, by as much as 50%, the likelihood that others would agree to a direct request for help, across a range of requests in both experimental and natural field settings. In their final study, help seekers paid attention to what saying yes would cost the other person and were less willing than potential helpers to appreciate the social costs of saying no.
Levin and colleagues studied Executive MBA students who were prompted to consult contacts about a work project. Neither study looked at real estate clients or at whether reaching out led to new business. Applying them to an agent's past clients and old contacts is my interpretation.
Bring a real question to the contacts you've lost touch with this month
These practices are mine, and the studies don't test them.
Start with the ties that were once strong. In the study, reconnecting previously strong ties brought all four benefits. For an agent, that might be a past client you worked through a difficult deal with, or a lender you used to talk to every week. Make a short list of five and write to one a week.
Ask about something that matters to your work. The students consulted their dormant contacts about an important work project, so the question should be one you actually want answered. You might ask a buyer from a few years back what they wish they'd known about their neighbourhood before they moved in, because you're rewriting the area guide you give new buyers. A seller could tell you which part of their sale felt most confusing while you rework how you explain the process at a listing appointment.
Say why you thought of them. A line about something you went through together reminds them of the shared history the request rests on, and it makes the note read as written for them. Keep the apology for the silence to a sentence at most. Flynn and Lake's results suggest people are more willing to help than the person asking expects, and in my view a long apology mostly adds to the awkwardness you're worried about.
Keep the ask small and easy to answer. One question, with room to reply whenever suits them, respects their time and makes saying yes simple. Leave any referral request for another time, so the question stands as the reason you wrote.
Tell them what you did with their answer. If their advice changed your area guide or your listing presentation, let them know. It shows the question was sincere, and it gives you a natural reason for the next note, which helps the tie stay active.
Asking for advice suits some contacts better than a plain hello. For others, a simple check-in without a special occasion is the right first step back.
Your database already holds the contacts worth reconnecting with, if you can see which ones have gone quiet
The hardest part of reactivating a database is often knowing who has drifted, especially across hundreds or thousands of contacts. Worthington's People list has a Gone quiet tab for exactly that, and every nurtured contact shows a relationship strength, from Distant to Advocate, built from your inbox history. Worthington is also honest that it can't see texts, phone calls or in-person meetings, so if you've been talking to someone by phone, you can tell him and he logs the touch.
You can talk through who to reconnect with and how with Worthington, who draws on relationship-marketing research and industry best practice. When you've decided what to ask, he drafts the note in your voice and you review it and press Send.
A contact who has gone quiet still carries the trust you built together, and the time apart may have given them something useful to tell you. Pick one person from your short list this week, and let your note start from something the two of you went through.
FAQ
Won't it feel awkward to write to someone after years of silence?
It may feel that way at first, and Flynn and Lake's studies suggest the hesitation can mislead you. They found that people underestimated how likely others were to agree to a direct request for help, and that help seekers paid less attention to how hard it is to say no. Mention why you thought of them and get to your question quickly.
Which past clients should I reconnect with first?
In the Organization Science study, ties that had once been strong brought all four benefits the authors describe, including trust and shared perspective. My suggestion is to start with the clients you worked with most closely or through the hardest deals. Those relationships likely hold the most shared history to build on.
Is asking a past client for advice the same as asking for a referral?
No, and I'd keep them apart. The study looked at the value of consulting dormant contacts for advice, and it didn't measure referrals or new business. A genuine question can reopen the relationship, and a referral conversation can come later once you're back in touch.
Does this apply to cold leads who never became clients?
Levin and colleagues studied former ties, people the students had once been in touch with. A lead you exchanged two emails with may not count as a tie in that sense, so I'd treat cold leads differently. For those, re-engaging cold leads works better as its own approach.
Worthington draws on research like this to shape a nurturing strategy for each of your clients. Join the waitlist